Aloha friends, soon to be mele kalikimaka, the festive time of the year. Remember, there is nothing like the Christmas season to put a little bounce in your checks (not to mention your credit cards.) Yep, that is not funny!
• Why are conspiracy theories like moon landings? Because they are all fake.
• What do computers eat for a snack? Microchips.
• Why couldn’t that student add 10+5 on his calculator? He couldn’t find the “10” button. (No, not a blonde joke!)
• Knock, knock. Who’s there? Two 4s. Two 4s who? No need to make lunch, we already 8!
• Knock, knock. Who’s there? Pasta! Pasta who? Italian chef who pasta way.
• A father takes his son to the zoo. They are walking around and soon the son says, “Look Dad! It’s a frickin’ elephant.”
The Dad was shocked and slightly angry as people close by were looking at them.
“What did you just call that elephant?” the father asked.
“It’s a frickin’ elephant. It says so on the picture!” the son says loudly. And so it did: African elephant.
• What would a piece of fruitcake say to his or her psychiatrist? “I feel like nobody really likes me.”
• What would a group of dogs all say around the Christmas tree if someone asked if anyone watered the tree? “I did!”
• Frosty the Snowman gets caught in the grocery store about to steal something. What would it be? Come on gang, a carrot for his nose.
Two Army football players were given a special SAT test to meet their admission requirements to the military academy. Soon after the test, one says to the other, “Old McDonald had a what?”
The other replies,”He had a farm.”
The first then asks, “How do you spell it?”
The other replies, “E-I-E-I-O.”
• Time too close with one more … The secret of enjoying good wine:
1. Open the bottle to allow it to breathe.
2. If it does not look like it’s breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth. I still am doctoring all of you!
Happy holidays, be generous to the needy.. Aloha, a hui hou.
Shay Bintliff, MD, lives in North Hawaii and writes a weekly humor column for West Hawaii. Today.